Some stuff I wrote

Some stuff I wrote
Topic Started: Jun 23 2010, 02:30 PM (167 Views)
voidscar grimshade	Jun 23 2010, 02:30 PM Post #1
Cucco Posts: 19 Group: Members Member #120 Joined: Jun 22, 2010	Life is like a vast ocean suspended over dream of riches and faraway places This ocean finds a port in any dreamers mind that seeks past the horizon of the sun toward the futures tide. Drifiting endlessly on a raft of goals fighting the currents only makes your victory all that meaningful The world sits in your view every step leads to a new adventure under a ever glowing sun in a torrent of time its always important to stop and enjoy the day as long as you point your dreams to the sky and keep your head high then the world is an infinte playground.



BudZer	Jun 23 2010, 02:33 PM Post #2
Pseudointellectual Posts: 1,117 Group: Members Member #69 Joined: Jul 29, 2009 Premium No	voidscar grimshade Jun 23 2010, 02:30 PM Life is like a vast ocean suspended over dream of riches and faraway places This ocean finds a port in any dreamers mind that seeks past the horizon of the sun toward the futures tide. Drifiting endlessly on a raft of goals fighting the currents only makes your victory all that meaningful The world sits in your view every step leads to a new adventure under a ever glowing sun in a torrent of time its always important to stop and enjoy the day as long as you point your dreams to the sky and keep your head high then the world is an infinte playground. I put a line break at the point where you lost inspiration and just started rambling. Those three lines were a better poem than the entire thing. Also, use punctuation.



Waterfox	Jun 23 2010, 02:36 PM Post #3
Lunboks. Posts: 2,573 Group: Water Sage Member #1 Joined: May 28, 2008 Premium Yes	I dunno BudZer, rambling on about redundant stuff in Poetry gets you good marks in English class It's a good attempt at a poem but I find it very empty and uninteresting. But then again I dislike poetry so, I'm not the best source of critique when it comes to that.



Nolan	Jun 24 2010, 01:02 AM Post #4
Meese Lord Posts: 84 Group: Members Member #107 Joined: May 6, 2010	I actually like poetry-- particularly epics. I don't actually see anything wrong with the poem, and it's anything but empty. I just feel like the message I got from it was cliché. I've been stuffed with "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR LIFE WILL GO GOOD" since I was an infant.



Darxidium	Jun 25 2010, 01:58 PM Post #5
Hero of Thyme Posts: 1,394 Group: Members Member #52 Joined: Mar 28, 2009 Premium No	Nolan Jun 24 2010, 01:02 AM "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR LIFE WILL GO GOOD" Pfffft.
	~Alex


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